Anyone else think of their blog entries this way? Well my eyes were sleepy yet my brain couldn't shut off. I couldn't help thinking about the crazy roller coaster of TTC and how its a quick ride for most and a never ending ride for some. Why is that? Seriously why is it that some women can get pregnant pretty much whenever they decide its time, and others, have to go through such hell. I mean don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for them! I wish it was so easy for everyone. I cannot say one woman is more deserving than other, however it just makes you wonder WHY.
Besides myself, there are several other lovely women in my life that have struggled right along side of me and some have gotten pregnant and are waiting for their outside babies and others are still getting treatment, being monitored, considering ideas, still on that roller coaster without any notice of when the ride will come to an end. These are extraordinary women! They would be phenomenal mothers! They handle this awful ride with such grace and dignity and still have oodles of thoughtfulness for others. So again, why?
I love when people try to offer comfort in the words of "Don't worry it will happen" or "Your time will come." First of all, I'm not really sure these people can tell the future and to be frank, its not comforting at all. Sure I think if we knew when IT will happen or what treatment will give us our babies, then that would be our light at the end of the tunnel and help us get through this ever day struggle. There is no crystal ball, only hope which gets hard to hold on to.
I am certain of a few things. I'm certain that there really is no answer to the why. I'm certain that life is unfair and certainly doesn't make sense. I'm certain that this process, although its sucked and has been heart breaking has been a process of tremendous growth. I can only speak for myself here, but I try to find the positive in everything. The positive in my journey is that myself, as well as my husband, have learned patience. We've learned to appreciate the little mile stones in life and not take each other or others for granted. We WILL be better parents for all we've been through. And we WILL be parents. :)