What a fantastic week!

Ahead that is! I have so many things to look forward to. Today marks day 11 of bcp, just over half way done. Tomorrow is my appointment to learn how to become a junkie (kidding!), and Friday is the start of med #1 which will be taken through the 11th which is my next big appointment.

Oh and not to mention I'm kicking off this week with a day OFF and possibly happy hour at my favorite place for margaritas and bean dip! Better jump on the treadmill before I go ;)

So yeah 1 week down, 2 to go!

WOOHOO!!! However next week is still a big week!!

I thought these stupid side effects were going away, but no today sucks. Such nausea I hate it. Also, getting up to pee during the night because I drink so much water, however I feel parched all the time and can't get enough! Kind of counterproductive, don't you think? Oh well, it will all be worth it in the end. Something tells me though, this is just the beginning.

Bring it on, I can do this!

4 down, 17 to go

Yes, that would be what I say to myself every morning I pop my pills. I do have to say that this month is FLYING! I cannot believe when I wrote out a check today, I had to triple check the date. How is it in the 20s of the month already!? A week from this Friday is October. Oct-freakin-tober. The month I am getting pregnant for the record.

So, things are good. Got back on the treadmill today for just a quick 2 miles and walking with Mr. W and our poopies. My feet are killing me. I have also had random bouts of nausea today too which is not so good. I am not really sure why, I am on the bcp I took prior to TTC. Huh. Hope that goes away soon!

Annnnnd we're off!

Today was an exciting and very good day. I had my baseline blood work and ultrasound. Everything looked great so we finally got the green light to start my BCP! WOOT!

Also, I made my appointment to learn how to inject myself (OUCH!) and made my baseline blood work and ultrasound appointment for the final step before starting the stims! No more waiting on AF!!! I cannot explain to you how happy I am about that since it never comes when I want it to. Some big dates ahead:


September 17 - Start BCP
September 28 - Learn how to inject myself
October 1 - Start med #1, Lupron and take every day until told otherwise
October 7 - Stop BCP
October 11 - Baseline ultrasound and blood work

Nothing but positive thoughts and a positive attitude from here on out. Fingers crossed for smooth sailing to our future family!

She's here!!!

Let cycle 18 begin. I've never been so happy to see my period come before. I'm sure Mr. W is thankful as well since these past few days I've gone between wanting to cry and wanting to rip someone's head off. Finally, my favorite time of the month can come and then get the heck up outta here! I have an ultrasound and blood work scheduled for Friday of this week and hopefully I will begin my weekend by starting birth control. Hold up, why birth control? Let me explain why.

Birth control pills or, more correctly, oral contraceptive pills (OCPs) can be used as a part of the IVF stimulation protocol in several different settings. In my case, OCPs may help mitigate the risk of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome.Basically they suspect that since I ovulate normally on my own, I may respond well to these medications and they don't want too much of an effect. This is a way of controlling my hormones, preventing any cysts from forming, and putting my body at state to start from scratch so to speak.

So, I will be taking them for 14-21 days. Not sure when I find out exactly how long, but hopefully soon! Either way, its one step forward in this long, complicated, yet exciting process!

Come out, come out wherever you are!?

Come on AF. Time to come out and play. Well, ironically when AF is here the last thing I want is play time. HOWEVER I am ready to get this show on the road and we need things to start happening down there in order to start. I was all set to start AF this weekend, go in for my baseline monitoring today on my day off, and of couuuuurse my body did not want to cooperate. Its ok. I'm not mad. I'm not even frustrated. I just am chuckling to myself, and saying of course. I was silly to expect cooperation. But, with that said, if this is the only issue I have, I'll take it.

OMG this is really happening!

We got my meds today and they came in LOTS of boxes and adorable coolers. Soooooo intimidating and exciting at the same time.

Honestly to the left you see about $4500.00 of drugs all for me at the low cost of $87.03. Can we say kick ass insurance coverage? The only thing not in that grouping is my birth control which is waiting for me at my local pharmacy. I can pick that up any day. I SHOULD be getting AF in less than a week, so then I will have some baseline monitoring including an ultrasound and blood work and then get started on the birth control for 14-21 days. I am not sure yet at which time they will tell me whether its 14 or 21, but I'm just rolling with it.

On another note, Mr. W chose this time when he actually saw the picture of the meds to freak out on me. Ummm no I need you positive please. I understand with his failed repair, still having some discomfort, he is at his lowest right now with faith in doctors. I also know he's guarding and not letting himself get too excited either. I told him I need you to be 100% supportive and positive please because I do not know how I'm going to be when it comes to giving myself injections and he sure as hell can't look at a needle much less plunge one into me. He agreed, and I know he will. Get it all out of your system now honey!

So while laying in bed last night...

Anyone else think of their blog entries this way? Well my eyes were sleepy yet my brain couldn't shut off. I couldn't help thinking about the crazy roller coaster of TTC and how its a quick ride for most and a never ending ride for some. Why is that? Seriously why is it that some women can get pregnant pretty much whenever they decide its time, and others, have to go through such hell. I mean don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for them! I wish it was so easy for everyone. I cannot say one woman is more deserving than other, however it just makes you wonder WHY.

Besides myself, there are several other lovely women in my life that have struggled right along side of me and some have gotten pregnant and are waiting for their outside babies and others are still getting treatment, being monitored, considering ideas, still on that roller coaster without any notice of when the ride will come to an end. These are extraordinary women! They would be phenomenal mothers! They handle this awful ride with such grace and dignity and still have oodles of thoughtfulness for others. So again, why?

I love when people try to offer comfort in the words of  "Don't worry it will happen" or "Your time will come." First of all, I'm not really sure these people can tell the future and to be frank, its not comforting at all. Sure I think if we knew when IT will happen or what treatment will give us our babies, then that would be our light at the end of the tunnel and help us get through this ever day struggle. There is no crystal ball, only hope which gets hard to hold on to.

I am certain of a few things. I'm certain that there really is no answer to the why. I'm certain that life is unfair and certainly doesn't make sense. I'm certain that this process, although its sucked and has been heart breaking has been a process of tremendous growth. I can only speak for myself here, but I try to find the positive in everything. The positive in my journey is that myself, as well as my husband, have learned patience. We've learned to appreciate the little mile stones in life and not take each other or others for granted. We WILL be better parents for all we've been through. And we WILL be parents. :)

So this is what they say.

And if nothing else in the past year and a half, this has been proven to us over and over again. We jumped on the bandwagon of trying to conceive, never thinking it would bring us anything but excitement, fun and of course, a pregnancy. Boy we were wrong. We have had a few positive tests, but they haven't ended well. I am currently coming to an end of cycle 17. Yes, you read that right. We are both relatively healthy individuals who live a good life, work hard for what we've achieved and are ready for the next step. So why does this have to be so hard? We don't know the whys, or the how comes, or really the end result. All we know is the end must justify the means. So follow along, while I share with you our journey to expand our family, which in turn has been a road of growth and maturity, and a harsh lesson that nothing comes easy.